Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
