Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
