so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
