how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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