the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
