and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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