We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
