she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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