if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
