In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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