How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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