Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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