he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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