We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
