I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
