I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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