Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
