I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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