Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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