Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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