I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
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