you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
