you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
