At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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