A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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