I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
