So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
