Can Purell be used as lube?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
