I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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