I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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