You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
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I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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