he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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