i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
