I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
