ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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