I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
