that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
