Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
