Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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