And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
