You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
she woke up with a sticky ear
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
