i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
