Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
