imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
