I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
