Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
