It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's official drugs can't kill me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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