How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
