genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
