That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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