Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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