Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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