dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
