Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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