I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize