like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
