I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
MIDGETS
????
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
