Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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