remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
