I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
